You know when someone farts and says ‘Christ you’d better move that’s a bit lively ‘ and you dont move straight away as you need to smell it first to decide whether it really does stink, sort of grade it out of 10 before announcing ‘Jesus Christ that stinks, is something dead up there’ whilst wishing you had taken their advise and got the hell out of the way.

Well, weetabix’s new cereal ‘Oatibix‘ (although prehaps Vomibix would have been a better title) has been described by at least 4 people i know as ‘like eating carpet tiles’ or ‘Jessus has something died in there?’. Anyway rather than believe what turned out to be excellent advice, i thought i’d give it a go.

To be honest I only got them as the new ASDA was selling them at £1.70 instead of the usual £3.00 that i have seen them, so the enemy put them in the basket. You should check out the new ASDA in Walsall its quite good. Anyway this morning I decided to give them a go.

HOLY JESUS MOTHER OF MARY what is this stuff. For a start do you remember that stuff on tommorrows world that absobed a glass of water and turned it into jelly. Did you ever wonder what happened to that? Well here’s the answer. Half a pint of sodding milk these two small biscuits managed to mop up and the bowl is bone dry.

And then i decide to give it a taste. Bugger me it’s rank. There’s barely any taste at all and what there is tastes like the sweepings up in a brewery. Even if you pimped it up with all the berries in the world you couldnt make this tasteless sludge edible.

So to all you people out there that told me it was crap, you were right, and if anything has been learnt here it’s clearly. DONT EAT OATIBIX, even Beelzebub himself would say ‘to be honest mate I’ll think i’ll have a Shredded Wheat instead’