Colin Jacksons carrot


Again a good turnout, there was lots of discussion about Kate Bush Mother’s Day, Nina’s new hair do and all the crap in Stevens garage. The Williamsons are on the move next week so it will be all hands to the pump methinks. I remember moving house and it’s possibly the most stressful experience ever (Mrs loaf may question that, bringing up the old giving birth routine but she didn’t have to empty the shed).

We had our first ever piece of Friday pub post in the form of a postcard. It was sent to the pub with instructions to hand it to our favourite barman to pass on when we get in. It turns out it was from Martin and Jess in Scotland, they thought such a scheme may earn them a mark in the register, and as funny as it was (including explaining to the staff about this blog and the league table) it’s still a no, so poor old Martin slips down the table like Manchester united. Tied at the top of the table the average age is 17 which sounds like a young crowd, but is in fact one 41 and two 5 year olds.

Random gripe of the week, prepared and ready to eat vegetables, what a fantastic way to spank money off the idiotic in today’s society. Take 30p worth of carrots, rinse under a tap, hack at them for 5 seconds with a carving knife and bung the results in a bag. Charge £2 for the privilege and yer laughing all the way to the bank. Even better split it up into 4 portions, stick it in a gaudy cellophane bag with a poorly drawn stick man standing under the sun on, and knock em out at £1 each as child lunch pack size batons (is your child getting their 5 a day???)

And for today’s “mum on the go” it’s an essential you just haven’t got that spare 5 seconds anymore, just thrust your money towards us, in fact give us an extra couple of quid and we’ll eat it for you as well. If you don’t your basically an awful parent and other mums will glare at you the school gates like you have gone round their house and shit in their kettles.

And as for batons, don’t make me laugh, you’d never get that thing round the track as it would definitely get dropped on the way round, so that’s a shit idea as well.

Also being sneered at by that whiny Colin Jackson in the commentary box is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.